Relationship Checklists: Which to keep and which to toss out
All of us have an image in our heads of what are perfect partner will be like; someone who has Hugh Jackman’s body, Brad Pitt’s smile and the sensitivity and thoughtfulness of our best friend. Accompanying that idealistic picture is a very long relationship checklist of all the do’s and don’ts. For example; he or she must love dogs and be of the same religious denomination and so it goes on.
The fact is that, unhappily, Hugh Jackman is very much taken and we reach an age (after about sixteen) when we want a real relationship, and a pin-up poster or a devoted pet just don’t make the grade anymore. But by the time we are ready to be slightly realistic about what to expect in a partner, we’ve already been conditioned by years of high standards and influence by media.
However, the opposite is also true; toss out your relationship checklists completely and you’re left dating a man who spends his days sitting blankly behind the bar and will probably continue to do so for the next twenty years. Similarly, you might find yourselves dating the daughter of cultish fanatics who drinks blood and reads Russian literature for pleasure. So, which points do you keep and which do you toss out in your relationship checklist so that you can meet the right person?
Some differences are not irreconcilable
Laura found out the hard way that she was not using her relationship checklist correctly. “Last December I finally realised I was doing something not quite right in the whole dating process”, she said. Laura felt she wasn’t meeting men that she clicked with and the one’s she clicked with didn’t feel the same way. She joined an internet dating site and stumbled on a profile of a man who was perfect for her, except for the fact that he wasn’t religious. She always thought that religion was one thing she wouldn’t compromise on so she was reluctant to pursue the relationship but she thought to herself that she should try something new because the old way was not working for her. Laura and her new boyfriend have been dating happily for more than a year now. Laura’s advice is “to give that person who is just one or two marks off ‘the perfect list’ a try”.
A useful love checklist
There are some things, however, that everybody needs in a relationship and relationships experts agree that healthy relationship checklists include the following vital criteria:
• I can discuss anything with my partner.
• He/ she understands compromise.
• He/ she listens to me.
• He/ she doesn’t overpower me.
• I am myself with her or him and can speak about anything.
• I love her for what she is, not for what I want and vice versa.
• He/ she is my best friend.
• I feel at home with him or her
When you toss out that ‘idealistic relationship checklist’ and replace it with your ‘healthy relationship checklist’ where you ensure that trust and compromise are at the centre of your relationship, you’ll be sure to have a much better chance at find Mr. or Miss right, even if they don’t have the chiseled features of a catwalk model or movie star.
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